How to Find Yourself After a Shattering Breakup

If you’re past your teens and anywhere after your 20s, chances are, you have had a difficult breakup. Letting go of a partner is never easy; especially when the breakups aren’t mutual or when they are caused by unavoidable future circumstances.

Being in a relationship involves people looking forward to being together. Whether you liked someone and were dating them casually or if you were dating to spend a lifetime with them, it is very normal to feel rejection and loss after a breakup.

Sometimes, if left unaddressed, these feelings can become repressed emotions that can be projected onto the people around us. They may also surface as guilt, resentment, anger, and hurt.

It is often very difficult to accept losing someone you care for deeply and can impact your wellbeing. It is easier said than done that we should let go and find ourselves. Especially after ending a long-term relationship, we can often feel lost and unable to cope with life without our partner. We often lose ourselves and forget what life was like when we knew who we were. In times like these, it becomes even more important to find yourself. Or sometimes, reinvent yourself for good.

Here are some ways you can begin your journey to heal from your past, become a better version of yourself, and maybe even find love again.

  1. Give yourself time to grieve and feel things, but don’t let these feelings consume you- It is important to accept and acknowledge how you are feeling. Getting a grip of your emotions means understanding how you feel and letting your feelings flow from time to time. It is important to notice your emotions and triggers. This helps gaining a sense of control and not letting these feelings overwhelm you.
  2. Avoid shaming, guilting, and blaming yourself for all the things you did and for all that you ‘could have done better’- It is imperative to realise that what’s done is done. There is no point shaming and blaming yourself for the things you did and did not do. Accept the mistakes you made and learn your lesson. Once learnt, the best thing to do is not let these negative feelings overpower you. It makes moving on easier. Every time you start feeling guilt and shame, remind yourself of the lesson you learnt and affirm that you would not repeat any mistakes, if any. Reassurance to yourself is important.
  3. Find yourself a new routine when it comes to work, personal goals, and social life- It is important to find a new routine that does not involve your partner. This can be one of the most difficult things to do since your lives were probably entwined deeply. Reach out to your friends to grab drinks, set new fitness goals for yourself, join a hobby class, or try working towards new career avenues. All of these things can help you feel a sense of independence from your past. Try new things- food, fashion, lifestyle, or even wellbeing. Revamping your personality and tastes to become a better version of yourself never goes out of style!
  4. Journal often, read books, stay busy with good things, seek help when needed- Learning is often one of the most motivating activities. Learning about yourself through journaling and understanding your thoughts can be very beneficial, especially when your mind feels like chaos. Reading self-help (or even fiction) books can help you escape into a world of learning and often offer insights unlike any other. The sense of fulfillment that comes from learning new things is unlike any other. If things get difficult, it is always a good idea to seek professional help to heal and move on.

    Explore your sexuality (whether alone or with new partners!)- Strengthen your bond with yourself by exploring your sexuality alone. Explore your likes and dislikes and find what pleases you the most. Self-pleasure and exploration can become a meditative enlightening journey if you keep an open mind and love your body. If you like (and are comfortable), you can go on dates and explore your sexuality with new partners. It is time to love yourself again.
  5. Give yourself time- Eventually, it comes down to understanding (and accepting) that time heals everything. You will move on. You will be able to think back to this day without feeling hurt. You will take your lessons and move on gracefully. With time, everything will feel okay. And maybe one day, you will love again.

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