Why second chances are beautiful
Relationships are not easy: they take work, require you to invest time and energy, and commit to each other. They can get messy and might not always work the first time for whatever reason. Maybe there wasn’t honest, open communication or maybe you couldn’t resolve a serious issue because the both of you had polar opposite views about it. In such a situation, it is not unusual for you to wonder if another chance is worth the effort at all.
But here’s the thing: second chances can be beautiful. Another chance may make you realise some aspect of your relationship that you couldn’t see before or didn’t appreciate enough. It may make you view your whole relationship in a different light. Second chances are about learning how to forgive. For this to happen, you have to think about the reason behind why you split up in the first place. What’s important is acknowledging your mistakes and learning from them. Evaluate what happened and why, and whether you are willing to bring that up in conversation and resolve it.
Also, let’s face it: humans are not perfect porcelain figurines. We are all bound to slip up and make mistakes sometimes. Understanding that is crucial for you to rethink your relationship. Giving someone another chance is a brave decision to make; you’re being vulnerable and trusting again. This vulnerability is scary for many, who may view it as being weak or needy too. Perhaps it is for this reason that second chances are frowned upon by many people.
Should you try again? Should you call it quits or give it another chance? This is something only you can answer depending on the circumstances. But here are some situations when a second chance might just be worth it:
- You both want to talk about it, take responsibility and make changes.
As said earlier, the first step to resolve anything is to even recognise there has been a problem. If something happened, say, you fought and exchanged some pretty nasty words, then you both must take responsibility and admit your fault. If this is happening and you’re talking about how you both want to make changes, that’s a good sign.
- You’re willing to put it behind you because you know they genuinely care
You’ve talked about it and it’s clear you both want this. They’re genuinely apologetic about their actions or words and are committed to showing you they care. They don’t want to lose you again and are willing to put in the effort. This is very meaningful if you’re willing to as well.
- It’s not all words; the actions are there too.
If your partner is saying they have changed (or changing) and is showing signs of effort, that makes all the difference. Remember, all talk seems impressive but without actions to back them, these words just remain hollow.
- There is love, respect and the desire to be together
You’re both comfortable with each other and there is trust and mutual respect. This helps build a strong foundation. If there is this, along with the desire to be together and support one another, giving your relationship another chance is worth considering.
All said and done, it is still down to your decision to get together with them. If you decide that this is what you want, then there are a few things to keep in mind:
Come from a place of empathy if some time has passed between when you were first together and now. Don’t dwell in the past. Understand that many things may have happened in the past but if you’ve trusted yourself to choose them again, then you’re going to have to focus on the now. Maybe the timing didn’t work back then but it is now, so you want to start afresh. That is absolutely okay. Catch up on all that you’ve missed in the time you were apart and show care and concern for what might have happened then.
Most importantly, take it slow and enjoy the process of falling in love all over again.